im bored with everything. eveything in my life, everything i do, everything i hear. im just so tired. tired of trying. tired of this pressure and this feeling of failure. .....
Summers coming you know.. but im not that excited?
I can't believe myself...ive got to that age i feared more than anything..where i was no longer excited by summer and i cared more about what other people thought of me then I even did.
Im always confused and im always trying to understand which ends up putting me in a bigger mess. Trying to control my mind, an impossible task.
I have this habbit where i always think about the past- good things or amazing times or at least i thought. Then i get really annoyed with myself when i catch myself daydreaming of the past or future, the what could be's or should have beens. I try so hard to get myself to live in the moment and day by day but that never excites me anymore. All i have are my memories and thoughts of new beginning. Living itself feels like nothing. no excitment no true joy for me. But i hate that feeling like all was wonderful in my past or daydreams. i dont understand how memories can make you feel so powerful so loved so many different emotions by yet.......come back to present time. NOW. this second.......i feel nothing.
will i look back and think ohh how ungrateful i was in high school or how easy i had it? but thats overall. i will never really actually remember this exact day. this moment when i tried to explain these thoughts to you. It will become just another filth. a nothing in my mind.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment