I still dont know where to begin

I'm staring blankly at them wishing i could just yell shut up, you dont know what your talking about. You dont understand and i cant make you or show you. Its a piece of me that i cant explain and when others try to I get extremely frustrated. Im not an open person I already know but even if i wasnt i dont think youd believe or understand me still. Maybe i choose to not let you understand. I tend to do the easier thing most of the time and not talking about simply things even, id rather not converse with. why? I am fully convinced i sound dumb and idiotic when i begin to tell someone something. I get 'woooow rachel' alot from my friends so why would i want to tell those same people something personal when they could give me that same reaction and make me feel worse about that situation. Im hard on myself and sometimes it shows. I dont need people nagging me to be an open book for them.