I still dont know where to begin

I'm staring blankly at them wishing i could just yell shut up, you dont know what your talking about. You dont understand and i cant make you or show you. Its a piece of me that i cant explain and when others try to I get extremely frustrated. Im not an open person I already know but even if i wasnt i dont think youd believe or understand me still. Maybe i choose to not let you understand. I tend to do the easier thing most of the time and not talking about simply things even, id rather not converse with. why? I am fully convinced i sound dumb and idiotic when i begin to tell someone something. I get 'woooow rachel' alot from my friends so why would i want to tell those same people something personal when they could give me that same reaction and make me feel worse about that situation. Im hard on myself and sometimes it shows. I dont need people nagging me to be an open book for them.

First Impressions~

They really dont matter. They're always wrong. Your first impression of someone....means absolutly nothing because you dont actually know them yet. I think the only way you can actually judge someone is after you've known them. Me and abby were talking about this last night and everyone always says how abby's extremely quiet. She's NOT okay at all, she's just a shy person by nature around people she doesnt know well or feel comfortable around. Abby is definitely one of the most wild and out spoken people i know but if i tell that to the people who dont know her they wont believe me at all because of that first impression she gives off and thats crap to judge people on that. Im weird i know but there is actually more to me than that, but it doesnt matter because thats the first impression i give off and thats what most people will end up judging me on.

You are my angel, dancing angel

Impulse. anyone remember them? i just found my cd with all their songs on it and all i could think about was 6th grade. They came to the middle school i remember and we got to leave sibley and go over to watch them sing. They didnt use any instruments, all they did was sing and one guy made beats with his mouth to sound like a drum. I think about it now and 6th grade was like our senior year of the elementary school, we all thought we were top dog and so cool. Its funny how as soon as we got to the middle school how fast that all changed. Sixth grade....i remember i hated ariel and she was always so mean to me. I was jealous of abby even though i barely knew her then other than from dance but she always dated all the cute boys back then. Shelby,brooklyn, and maddi were my best friends and we always got into dumb fights that we made such a big out of everytime. I used BFF and Lylas to sign notes i wrote. NOTES!! strange time before cellphones...msn was the cool thing and that was the plans most friday nights was to go on there haaaaa. Brooklyn back then was obsessed with puppies and dogs, maddi was obsessed with green day, and shelby was sooo obsessed with Spongebob. I was a very weird and odd kid then and i wont even begin to explain those days. im glad we all grew out of that awkward stage but its still fun to look back and remember how things used to be.

Im better near to you

Did you know your always on my mind? Its a strange thing i know. You're terribly close but untouchable. When you walk into a room you dont realize how much you make that room light up. You and i have something different and im enjoying it cautiously. Its getting so much more difficult every time i see you but what else can i do, i cant say anything because im afraid..of what youll say, or what will happen..or wont happen. Id rather have you from a distance then not at all. This attachment im getting to you could end up being my downfall. But you still give me this sense of false hope.

You found the one thing i cant do for you

I like trying to plan out my future whether its close or not to what actually happens. Sometimes i wish my actions could be as big as my thoughts or ideas i have. Why cant i ever seem to be as confident as i want to be or try to be? Why is it when the people i try to impress the most barely even see or notice me? I think im always chasing things i cant have or wont work. I dont understand why i do..maybe i think i can change something or itll be different. im not quite sure where i was going with that but its difficult wanting something you know you have to keep your distance from and cant do anything about it. Which makes me think about my future like i started with..what if i could get it and everything could fall into place. i guess it all takes time, im just afraid that time will come and pass and that opportunity will be gone before i even get to try